By Atty. Chi Padayao
The external world was still the same. The dirty plastic trash bins in front of the apartment were still overflowing with yesterday’s garbage. The constant sounds of the neighbors, the pedestrians, the tricycles, and even cars in the narrow streets still insisted on clouding her mind.
It’s as if what remained were the inconveniences. The ones that felt good— her relationships, her siblings, her happy workplace, her friends—were nowhere to be found. Only her cigarettes had been at the nearby table for almost two decades. Through college exams, romance with lovers, good and (bad) times with friends, or strangers in strange new places.
She felt the shiver in her skin. As if the shadows of the past long gone crawled through them. It heavily weighed the surroundings like an ominous dark cloud.
“This, too, shall pass,” she told herself that line from that famous movie.
Her pet dog Abu barked. As if knowing she would flee. To escape her miseries. Drifting. In work. In stuff. Without even dreams.
That was my story of drifting through life.
Growing up, being loved was the dream. But life’s rejections happened. They were too painful sometimes that they felt dangerous. Any misunderstanding in the family was: dangerous! Heartache in love life: danger! Challenge in the workplace: risk! The mind spiraled. Out of control. As if always in a severe state of stress. I didn’t know that it was part of life. As the old saying goes, “there is suffering in life.”
The thing was, research showed that when under sustained stress: biologically, the body will also be defensive. As if waiting to battle pathogens. It had disastrous effects on me. Cells aged faster. Health deteriorated. I didn’t need to have annual check-ups. All that was needed was to wait for my yearly sickness. Like clockwork, it will either be a severe flu, viral fever, or hemorrhagic dengue fever. The additional warning signs were my liver problems, prolonged menstrual bleeding, difficulty breathing, and pimple breakouts. I even stopped dreaming…especially of being loved.
But six years ago, I started a healing journey. It brought me to the Pranic Healing school. A world of life energy. Where it taught me how to use energy (prana) to heal, the Meditation on Twin Hearts, and other teachings, especially Arhatic Yoga. That pain, like rejection, maybe a redirection; to what was essential.
Yes, life’s cycle of ups and downs continues. Pains. Failures. But I started dreaming again. To live better. And this time, to love better. Slowly, the mundane became extraordinary. The temporary fixes in people and things got disentangled. I could breathe better. Even if walking up the stairs! People noticed that my skin got radiant. The gray in the fingers turned into a pinkish color. As well as my lips. Subtly felt also was the kindness that came from the words. Surprisingly the heart found love in the family, relationships, and community.
Like this Christmas season. There was deep and miraculous love in knowing about my true nature and where I came from.
And that is why I am excited for you. For embarking on this journey; toward living your dreams. With an aim and personal power. Because you are taking charge of your future. You are investing in yourself and your loved ones for the long term. In one that’s permanent, in what powers dreams to reality. See you inside.
